Rude & Sarcastic Birthday Cards

For the people who roll their eyes at Hallmark and laugh their asses off at a well-placed swear word. Because 'Happy Birthday' is better when it comes with a side of sass.

Shop funny birthday greeting cards for friends and adults, from cheeky and sarcastic to rude, sweary, and completely unapologetic. Cards for every milestone and every person who deserves more than a generic birthday wish.

Warning: may contain profanity. You're welcome.
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  • A white rectangular print or card with bold black text reading 'FUCK You're OLD' is placed on a white marble surface with small potted plants, pens, and part of a keyboard visible around it.

    Fuck You’re Old

    Fuck You’re Old
    $5.00
  • White birthday card with black typewriter-style lettering reading “bruh. hbd. fr. hope it slaps

    Bruh-GenZ Card

    Bruh-GenZ Card
    $5.00
  • White rectangular birthday card with a cartoon poop character, reading “Happy Birthday you old fart... Try not to shit yourself when blowing out your candles.”

    You Old Fart

    You Old Fart
    $5.00
  • White rectangular birthday card with a cartoon older man sitting on a toilet, reading “Another year older, another year closer to your balls touching the water! Happy Birthday!”

    Balls in the toilet Card

    Balls in the toilet Card
    $5.00
  • White rectangular card with cartoon pink breasts clapping together and the words “If you’re old and you know it clap your tits.”

    Clap your Tits Card

    Clap your Tits Card
    $5.00
  • A white birthday card with black handwritten text reading 'another year older and still an a*shole' and blue text reading 'happy birthday' underneath, styled on a white marble surface with baby's breath flowers.

    Another year older, still an asshole Card

    Another year older, still an asshole Card
    $5.00
  • White rectangular birthday card with cartoon penises surrounding the words “For your birthday I drew all of your favorite things.”

    I drew all of your favorite things Card

    I drew all of your favorite things Card
    $5.00
  • A white birthday greeting card featuring a cartoon grumpy cat tangled in Christmas lights, with the text 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU GRUMPY BITCH'. The card is displayed on a marble surface with small white flowers as props.

    Grumpy Bitch

    Grumpy Bitch
    $5.00
  • White rectangular card with a teal cartoon bird, reading “A little birdie told me it was your birthday and I was like ‘Holy shit, a talking bird!’”

    A Little Birdie

    A Little Birdie
    $5.00
  • A white greeting card with black text reading 'SO IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY Way to make everything all about you YOU FUCKING NARCISSIST' standing on white fabric with beige bedding and dried flowers in the background.

    Narcissist Birthday

    Narcissist Birthday
    $5.00
  • A white greeting card with a donkey illustration and the text 'Happy Birthday hole!' is styled on a light stone surface next to a white cup of coffee and green leaves.

    Asshole- Birthday

    Asshole- Birthday
    $5.00
  • White rectangular card with a cartoon ostrich wearing black glasses, reading “I spy with my little eye... an old fucker!”

    I Spy- An Old Fucker

    I Spy- An Old Fucker
    $5.00
  • A greeting card featuring a two-tier birthday cake with colorful candles and the text 'You don't look a day over' and 'FINE AS FUCK', shown on a rustic white wood background with a kraft envelope and small dried flowers.

    Fine As Fuck

    Fine As Fuck
    $5.00
  • White rectangular birthday card with balloons, confetti and “Nothing but the best for you on your birthday” partly covered by a yellow reduced-price label.

    Discount Birthday

    Discount Birthday
    $5.00
  • A white greeting card with bold black text reading 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU GERIATRIC FUCK' is styled in a flat lay on burlap and twine over a whitewashed wood surface with green leaves and tan fabric around it.

    Geriatric Fuck Card

    Geriatric Fuck Card
    $5.00
  • White rectangular card with a pink splatter and heart, reading “If you are thinking that this card is shit, just wait until you see your nursing home.”

    This card is Shit-Nursing Home

    This card is Shit-Nursing Home
    $5.00
  • White rectangular birthday card with a light blue and purple toilet illustration, reading “Happy Birthday You Old Shit.”

    You Old Shit

    You Old Shit
    $5.00
  • White rectangular birthday card with a retro blonde woman holding cannabis, reading “May your birthday be as dope as you are” and “Happy Birthday.”

    Hope your Birthday is Dope

    Hope your Birthday is Dope
    $5.00
  • White rectangular birthday card with a smiling green cartoon cannabis bud, reading “To my best Bud” and “Happy Birthday.”

    My best Bud- Cannabis Card

    My best Bud- Cannabis Card
    $5.00
  • White rectangular card reading “Here’s to another year of the same,” with a poop illustration replacing “shit,” followed by “day in and day out.”

    Here's to Another Year of Same Shit, Day In and Day Out - Greeting Card

    Here's to Another Year of Same Shit, Day In and Day Out - Greeting Card
    $5.00
  • A greeting card featuring a cute cartoon succulent plant with a smiling face in a pink pot, with the text 'Happy birthday to one badass mutha succa'. The card is styled in a flat-lay setting on a white surface with green leaves and a silver pen.

    Happy Birthday to One Badass MuthaSucca - Birthday Card

    Happy Birthday to One Badass MuthaSucca - Birthday Card
    $5.00
  • Rectangular birthday card showing wooden steps descending a grassy hillside, reading “It’s ALL downhill from here!” and “Happy Birthday!”

    It's All Downhill From Here - Birthday Card

    It's All Downhill From Here - Birthday Card
    $5.00